I have realized how distant I have become from You, God. It is a constant human battle of knowing what to do then realizing I have wondered away. Temptation and sin surrounds us every moment of everyday and ever since Adam and Eve it is so difficult to see Your will and Your way clearly enough. I have been working on many things and many ways to grow with You every day; forgiveness, love, gentleness, patience, trust...to name a few. One of the biggest things I need to work even harder on is prayer. What is prayer? Prayer is how we talk to You; our Holy Father, our loving Abba, the Almighty One whom loves all of us unconditionally. Prayer is meant to be a way to build, grow and strengthen our relationship with You which in turn helps us in relationships with the world around us. I grew up feeling so curious yet alone and like You did not see me and all that I was going through - but somehow You have always lead me back to you. Now I am in a place where I am able to grow and learn and love You more and more in everything I do and in all areas of the life You have given to me. But prayer has always been a very difficult thing for me. I am the kind of person who hates small talk. Because of my profession and, possibly, many aspects of my upbringing I am pretty good at small talk. Most people do not know me well enough to know how truly reserved and private I prefer to be but I also feel that part of my calling is to break away from that reserved comfort zone for the benefit of others. And I have also come to learn that prayer cannot be compared to small talk - it is words coming straight from my heart as if I were speaking to my best friend or my significant other. What an amazing lesson this has been.
We were meant to be in relationships throughout our lives; friendships, family, significant others, our children, our parents, strangers, coworkers, and really anyone we may come into contact with we have an opportunity to build a relationship with them. What we fail to understand so often is that You have such a massive master plan for all of us and we are so concerned with our own selves that we forget to be a light in other people's lives. What does it mean to be a light in someone else's life?
Many times You have told me "go here"...many of those times I have and many I, stubbornly and lacking trust in You, did not. For those times that I listened I was always blessed to find someone on the path and at my destination on that journey who needed You and I was the only person who could bring You to them. I know my purpose in this life is to show others the love You have for them and bring them closer to You. I vow to always try my best to live as Christ. I promise to always do my best to be the light in the darkness of this world. I know I stumble, I fail, I fall so short of Your glory but I promise to never give up and to continue to learn and grow and become better and stronger with You every single day that You give me life. And then I vow to serve you every day in Your kingdom when this first life is over. God, thank you for the many countless and immeasurable blessings You've provided me. I pray that You will always be with me and also with my family. Please, Lord be with my friends and loved ones. Please be with the people of this world who do not know You. Help me to help them know You through me. Help me to know what to do and help me to do what needs to be done. My life is Yours and is forever in Your hands. Thank You, Lord, for everything... Amen